How Gender Neutrality Perpetuates Court Licensed Abuse
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Desmond Tutu, winner of the Nobel Peace Prize, once said, “If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.” Similarly, if you are gender neutral while women are being massacred in Family Courts, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.
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Being gender neutral is popular and politically correct; after all, it sounds and feels so good, so fair, so right. But, while gender neutrality may be appropriate in economic and political spheres, it certainly is not in the legal sphere of family courts, where women are being massacred on a daily basis all over the world. Judges are perpetrating “Court Licensed Abuse” (CLA)—the “licensing” of men to continue to control and abuse "their" women and children through granting them custody, leading to immense pain and suffering. Activists who take a gender neutral stance and fight garden variety court corruption, rather than the discrimination and oppression which is actually causing the corruption, are choosing the side of the oppressor—and perpetuating it.
THE NUMBERS
Approximately 75% of contested custody cases involve abusive or violent men. [Jaffe, Crooks & Poisson, 2003] Most of the remaining 25% is estimated by experts in the field to involve indirectly abusive fathers fighting for custody to get out of child support, get revenge at wives for leaving, and/or retain control (about 15%). Only about 10% of cases appear to involve good faith efforts by fathers to get custody (though still not necessarily best for kids), with about half of those involving fathers trying to protect children from violent or sexually abusive mothers or stepfathers. [Barry Goldstein, J.D. et. al.]
These numbers indicate that men should be winning in less than 10% of contested cases and women in more than 90%, but men are actually winning in 70% and women in only 30%. [American Judges Assn.] In cases which involve sexual abuse, fathers win custody 90% of the time [Neustein and Goetting, 1999]. 58,000 children a year are ordered into the custody of abusers and molesters. [Leadership Council] Even with a wide margin of error, these numbers confirm there is an epidemic of judges granting custody to abusive fathers while there is no similar epidemic of judges granting custody to abusive mothers, which is, in fact, rare. This is exactly what experience, the internet, social media, and countless international case studies support, along with the research.
THE AGENDA
CLA is fundamentally an issue of power, not money, not judicial malfeasance, not everyday corruption. It is not a matter of judges needing to be educated or shown more research or a need for new laws. Been there, done that. No reforms within the family court system have worked in the last four decades or will work in the future because it is specifically designed to achieve the agenda.
The agenda is to maintain age-old male power and entitlement within the family. Judges and other court-affiliated professionals are rewarded politically and financially for ignoring and covering up evidence of abuse by fathers and fabricating evidence against mothers in order to justify giving custody to fathers. They distort reality to make it appear good mothers are liars, alienators, or mentally ill and abusive fathers are wonderful and deserving of custody. Appellate Courts uphold trial court judges' findings under the broad “abuse of discretion” standard specially afforded family court judges. When they are overturned, the cases are remanded back to the same judge or a new judge in the same court who simply uses a different strategy to achieve the same result: custody to abuser.
THE CAUSE
This agenda to empower and privilege men, while punishing and silencing women who dare challenge that male prerogative, is the core cause of CLA. Corruption is merely a symptom of the agenda. The fact that many professionals make a lot of money upholding the agenda can appear on the surface to be just simple greed, but it has a purpose: to maintain paternal entitlement. Fighting generic corruption in family court without addressing the cause is like taking medication to control blood pressure when you have a lethal kidney infection. It may make you feel better but you will still die because the cause is not being treated.
Professionals and organizations that support protective mothers are aware CLA is a gendered issue, but most still engage in gender neutral activism speaking of “parents” having problems in family courts or children needing to be saved from "parents". It is understandable that they cast their nets wide to increase membership, clientele, popularity, donations, income, funding, etc., and to maintain a safer position politically. However, this poses a serious conflict of interest with women in general, and protective mothers in particular, because it distracts from the true cause of the epidemic and wastes activists' time and energy fighting things that will not make any significant difference in the number of children given to abusers. They have, wittingly or not, chosen the side of the oppressor.
THE SOLUTION
Women have been lulled into a sense of complacency, deceived into thinking they have, for the most part, achieved equal rights with men, and that the battle for equality is over. It is only when they enter family court they realize that ideal is far from reality. They have not been warned that before they even walk in the door their fate has been sealed, that nothing they do or say can or will change it much, not even the best lawyer money can buy. One by one women receive the shock of their lives when they are disrespected, disparaged, discredited, and falsely found to be lying, alienating and mentally ill and have their precious children taken away. It is a modern burning at the stake of women who dare to challenge the status quo, when they are simply doing what their instincts and society tells them they must do—protect their children.
Because the family court system is designed to oppress women and entitle men, no reforms made within that system will work. The only thing that will make an immediate difference in the number of kids being given to abusers is getting contested custody cases OUT of family courts and into REAL courts of law with juries of our peers and special protections for women and children. The Women's Coalition is working on a new child custody court system which will provide due process for all.
THE REBELLION
As for a lasting, long term solution, rebellion is necessary. Male entitlement within the family is historically and firmly entrenched and is the "cradle of sexual politics" as Louise Armstrong so clearly depicts in her book, "Rocking the Cradle of Sexual Politics: What Happened When Women Said Incest". Women must fight the ultimate battle for equality: in the home.
So although it may not be popular or politically correct to speak in gendered terms, until we are ready to acknowledge that the family court system is inherently oppressive towards women and begin to use the language of anti-oppression and civil rights in our analysis, discourse and solutions, the epidemic of judges taking custody away from good mothers and giving custody to abusive fathers will continue. It is time to identify and publicly expose and oppose this discrimination and oppression. It's time to get organized to support protective mothers with protests like the ones against police oppression in New York City. It is time for a Rosa Parks who chooses jail rather than hand her children over to an abusive father.
It is time for women, not just mothers, but all women, young and old, 50% of the population, along with all good men, to unite and rebel against this appalling injustice which is causing immense suffering and damage to women and children.
- Cindy Dumas, M.A.
Founder and Executive Director of The Women's Coalition
THE NUMBERS
Approximately 75% of contested custody cases involve abusive or violent men. [Jaffe, Crooks & Poisson, 2003] Most of the remaining 25% is estimated by experts in the field to involve indirectly abusive fathers fighting for custody to get out of child support, get revenge at wives for leaving, and/or retain control (about 15%). Only about 10% of cases appear to involve good faith efforts by fathers to get custody (though still not necessarily best for kids), with about half of those involving fathers trying to protect children from violent or sexually abusive mothers or stepfathers. [Barry Goldstein, J.D. et. al.]
These numbers indicate that men should be winning in less than 10% of contested cases and women in more than 90%, but men are actually winning in 70% and women in only 30%. [American Judges Assn.] In cases which involve sexual abuse, fathers win custody 90% of the time [Neustein and Goetting, 1999]. 58,000 children a year are ordered into the custody of abusers and molesters. [Leadership Council] Even with a wide margin of error, these numbers confirm there is an epidemic of judges granting custody to abusive fathers while there is no similar epidemic of judges granting custody to abusive mothers, which is, in fact, rare. This is exactly what experience, the internet, social media, and countless international case studies support, along with the research.
THE AGENDA
CLA is fundamentally an issue of power, not money, not judicial malfeasance, not everyday corruption. It is not a matter of judges needing to be educated or shown more research or a need for new laws. Been there, done that. No reforms within the family court system have worked in the last four decades or will work in the future because it is specifically designed to achieve the agenda.
The agenda is to maintain age-old male power and entitlement within the family. Judges and other court-affiliated professionals are rewarded politically and financially for ignoring and covering up evidence of abuse by fathers and fabricating evidence against mothers in order to justify giving custody to fathers. They distort reality to make it appear good mothers are liars, alienators, or mentally ill and abusive fathers are wonderful and deserving of custody. Appellate Courts uphold trial court judges' findings under the broad “abuse of discretion” standard specially afforded family court judges. When they are overturned, the cases are remanded back to the same judge or a new judge in the same court who simply uses a different strategy to achieve the same result: custody to abuser.
THE CAUSE
This agenda to empower and privilege men, while punishing and silencing women who dare challenge that male prerogative, is the core cause of CLA. Corruption is merely a symptom of the agenda. The fact that many professionals make a lot of money upholding the agenda can appear on the surface to be just simple greed, but it has a purpose: to maintain paternal entitlement. Fighting generic corruption in family court without addressing the cause is like taking medication to control blood pressure when you have a lethal kidney infection. It may make you feel better but you will still die because the cause is not being treated.
Professionals and organizations that support protective mothers are aware CLA is a gendered issue, but most still engage in gender neutral activism speaking of “parents” having problems in family courts or children needing to be saved from "parents". It is understandable that they cast their nets wide to increase membership, clientele, popularity, donations, income, funding, etc., and to maintain a safer position politically. However, this poses a serious conflict of interest with women in general, and protective mothers in particular, because it distracts from the true cause of the epidemic and wastes activists' time and energy fighting things that will not make any significant difference in the number of children given to abusers. They have, wittingly or not, chosen the side of the oppressor.
THE SOLUTION
Women have been lulled into a sense of complacency, deceived into thinking they have, for the most part, achieved equal rights with men, and that the battle for equality is over. It is only when they enter family court they realize that ideal is far from reality. They have not been warned that before they even walk in the door their fate has been sealed, that nothing they do or say can or will change it much, not even the best lawyer money can buy. One by one women receive the shock of their lives when they are disrespected, disparaged, discredited, and falsely found to be lying, alienating and mentally ill and have their precious children taken away. It is a modern burning at the stake of women who dare to challenge the status quo, when they are simply doing what their instincts and society tells them they must do—protect their children.
Because the family court system is designed to oppress women and entitle men, no reforms made within that system will work. The only thing that will make an immediate difference in the number of kids being given to abusers is getting contested custody cases OUT of family courts and into REAL courts of law with juries of our peers and special protections for women and children. The Women's Coalition is working on a new child custody court system which will provide due process for all.
THE REBELLION
As for a lasting, long term solution, rebellion is necessary. Male entitlement within the family is historically and firmly entrenched and is the "cradle of sexual politics" as Louise Armstrong so clearly depicts in her book, "Rocking the Cradle of Sexual Politics: What Happened When Women Said Incest". Women must fight the ultimate battle for equality: in the home.
So although it may not be popular or politically correct to speak in gendered terms, until we are ready to acknowledge that the family court system is inherently oppressive towards women and begin to use the language of anti-oppression and civil rights in our analysis, discourse and solutions, the epidemic of judges taking custody away from good mothers and giving custody to abusive fathers will continue. It is time to identify and publicly expose and oppose this discrimination and oppression. It's time to get organized to support protective mothers with protests like the ones against police oppression in New York City. It is time for a Rosa Parks who chooses jail rather than hand her children over to an abusive father.
It is time for women, not just mothers, but all women, young and old, 50% of the population, along with all good men, to unite and rebel against this appalling injustice which is causing immense suffering and damage to women and children.
- Cindy Dumas, M.A.
Founder and Executive Director of The Women's Coalition